Assalamualaikum, friends,..

I don't really sure whether I should blog about this in the first place, but after giving it a deep thought for the past two, three days or so, I think I should just share it with U guys my fellow readers, but... Just a reminder, this entry is a tad too personal, if U find it too much for your liking, please come again next time for my other entry, just skip this one, OK ?!

It is all about the rollercoaster ride that I had endure in this past two months or so, of course I am not talking about the regular, less-than-three-minute ride on a rollercoaster in Genting or Times Square, but rather, I am talking about the emotional rollercoaster ride than lasted for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, which I experienced for the past two months. The kind of high-speed up and down ride that goes on and on non-stop with both extremes, the highs and the lows, are experienced simultaneously, all in a blink of an eye... I thought I was strong enough to hold on to the ride, but as time goes by, I had started to feel very exhausted and tired, almost mentally worn-out that I wish I had never jump on that rollercoaster in the first place . But I DID jump onto the rollercoaster and did enjoy the ride, now I just wish I am strong enough to finish the ride, safely and soundly.

However, the problem with the ride is not the duration of it, nor the quick nature of extreme changes it offers, but more of the tangible nature of such an emotional ride. There is actually no clear Start and Stop Point on this rollercoaster ride, and what is worse, there is no safety bar or safety belt to keep U on the coaster for the entire ride... So basically U don't know where will it take U, or when will it stop, infact U don't even know whether U will stay on the ride or will U been thrown out from the coach before U get anywhere,... All this is simply because U just hold your grip too tight on the coaster that it numb your senses and thus losing your focus, resulting in U been thrown out from the said ride, all scratched and bruised...

Too bad people, that is exactly what I felt in my love life right now, the excitement had almost dried out simply because I am trying all of my might to hold on to it, trying too hard maybe, sigh,... As the result, I lost my focus,... I am quite certain the feeling is still very much there, but it is the outside, un-controllable factor that affecting our ride, so much so that I feel very weak and very tired to face it... The confident level is not as high as it had been before, the uncertainty of this relationship is mounting every single day,... I do not know for sure where all these uncertainty come from, although I do know, we both are two very different persona, but doesn't opposite attracts?!

I am a firm believer in Yin and Yang concept, partners complementing each other,yada yada yada... But it is very hard to convinced other people in what U believe if they just refuse to accept your point, even up to an extend where they simply block Ur input ... I couldn't help but feel sorry for her low self-esteem,... Bad history notwithstanding, she deserved to be with the man who treat her right, and stop questioning herself whether she is a good enough partner for the man. It is the man who deserved the right to judge of her compatibility, not her, herself. Right now, I think I had done with trying, all I could do, is ask for God's Almighty direction and guidance in this... I know He has all the answer, and I will try to act accordingly once I had the answer in my hand...

Somehow, I need to get this out of my system, so sorry peps, no interesting story today, maybe next time...

Have a Pleasant Week, everyone.


** I am not going to KLD, because I need to be in proper mood to really enjoy myself, if I only spoils the camp's mood by my presence there, I would rather not being there at all. Sorry Diman, PakBear, Salina, Langsat, Basri, TokRimau and others. For this time, "Biarlah Aku dgn Jiwa Kacau Ku..."